Bookmark and Share


Surviving Infidelity

Free PDF eBook!

Enter Your First Name
and Email Address to Download

Learning about your spouseís affair is one of the most life changing events youíll ever have to cope with. The initial mental and physical pain can be more than most people feel they can bear.

Debbie found that the shock left her feeling completely suicidal, in such an emotional state that she just couldnít see an end to the raging emotions of sheer loathing, humiliation, defeat and despair. She couldnít visualize surviving the infidelity.

"After weeks of trying to come to terms with the shock of my husband confessing to having an affair, I tried to face up to the news and move on with my life but I just couldnít get over the feelings of hate, shock, rage, fear and utter betrayal.

I really hated my husband, the Ďotherí woman and myself for what had become of our marriage. I found myself wanting to kill him one minute and trying to understand why he had done it the next. I didnít know what to do or where to turn. I had no idea as to whether I wanted to save my marriage or not but I was totally unprepared for life on my own.

I felt so alone, half dead, totally humiliated, defeated and betrayed and found I just couldnít move on without seeking help and learning that there was a way to move forward and get my life and my marriage back on track"

Because of the emotional roller coaster infidelity puts couples through, talking about the details in the early stage only reinforces the negative feelings that they already have. It will not help either the cheater or the cheated partner to cope with the situation nor will it help you move forward.

The first discussion will always be the most difficult one, when itís so easy for things to get totally out of hand. If the marriage is to be saved both partners need to be emotionally prepared, rational and calm. It is unrealistic to expect partners to be able to work together in the early days when neither party is capable of entering into any form of rational discussion.

The cheated partner will want immediate answers to why the affair occurred, if they loved the person they were having an affair with, did it mean anything and how long it had been going on. They will want to know why they werenít enough, was it the only one and will wonder if they can trust their partner again. They need to take control of these emotions before they should enter into any form of discussion and before they can make any progress towards surviving infidelity or even half way consider trying to save the marriage.

Many people go to marriage counselors terrified, not knowing what to do, unable to get the images of their partner in someone elseís bed out of their mind, not knowing if their partner still loves them and feeling totally worthless and insecure. They have to get over that initial hurdle before they can move on, start piecing everything together and even consider trying to rebuild the marriage. What is said and done in those early stages is critical to surviving infidelity and will form the foundation of any new relationship which evolves.

Most people do not have the skills to work through their problems without getting emotional and cannot get beyond what has happened in the past so cannot look towards the future. It is so easy in the early discussions, when the most positive work towards recovering the relationship needs to be done, to get sucked into battles over what has happened. It is hard to push emotional feelings to one side and calmly discuss such a betrayal.

However, after the initial shock and once emotions have calmed down the most critcal thing to do is to talk, listen and try and understand what has happened, why it happened and how to move forward. Only after some kind of understanding have occurred can the cheated partner even consider any kind of foregiveness, but if initial contact is controlled, and approached in the right way, not jumping in with all guns blazing, marriages can and often do survive infidelity and become stronger because of it.

That is why spending time learning how to control your emotions and trying to understand the situation from your partnerís point of view is vital if you want to save your marriage.

It is during this stage that you will find out why the affair happened, if it meant anything and what problems there were in your relationship. It is not until the all the cards have been laid on the table can couples even begin to try to put right what has gone wrong and move on with their lives.

As with most marital issues communication and understanding is critical to surviving infidelity.



 

Saving Marriage Videos and More Articles

Loading...

7 Clues That Your Partner Is Cheating On You

... mentally from you. She is suddenly frigid and loses any interest in doing anything with her husband. 3. She's being secretive. She's no longer sharing her daily events with you. She might avoid you because she feels guilty. Don't get paranoid and suspicious, ask her if everything is ok and tell her she's ...

Making Marriage Work - Part 2

... controlling way toward you, this deep loneliness and helplessness is activated. But these are such difficult feelings to feel that most of us will turn to our learned addictive behaviors to avoid them. We will either try to have control over the other person by getting angry, judgmental or giving in, ...

5 Ways To Ensure You Will Have A Happy Life After Divorce

... time. Too often times people start new relationships with just about anyone because they are lonely while getting a divorce or after getting a divorce. Sparking a relationship, romantic or friendly, with anyone and everyone who will spend time with you can contribute to unhappiness in your life after ...

How To Recognize Warning Signs Of A Breakup

... a movie, this could be a warning sign. This kind of goes hand in hand with avoidance. Conflicts and Arguments The display of argumentative behavior is another warning sign of a forthcoming breakup. Let's be honest, every relationship has its problems. There are very few, if any, relationships where arguments ...

Finding Time For Marriage Help

... marriage help. Maybe your marriage needs help financially. Take the time to make a budget. See a financial advisor. If your spouse and you just need time together to talk and enjoy each other, make time for a date or short vacation. Do you and your partner have issues to work through with therapy? A therapist ...

 

Recommended Saving Marriage Products









Home |  Free eBook |  Contact Us |  Privacy Policy |  Site Map